2005-04-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

NEWS FLASH

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Why not tell us what you think or that you want to be in a story?

vidandlipproductions@hotmail.co.uk

2005-04-12T02:41:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a family bears. This was your bog-standard bear family. There was a Mummy bear, called Grizzly Bear, she could be nice, but don’t mess with her kids or suffer the consequences. The family also had a Daddy bear called Fat Bear, like a lot of Daddy bears, he had become a bit lazy whilst Mummy was doing the cooking, and had grown fat in front of the TV. No it seems that bears, unlike humans have not developed the phenomenon of the ‘house husband’. This didn’t stop Mummy and Daddy having a great relationship though. This is obvious ‘coz they had a little baby for goodness sakes! Its name was Squeak Bear, and it had learned its first word “hiya”, which it said in a very very squeaky voice to everyone it met. Oh yeah there was also Dozy Bear who was asleep. These bears like most relatively well-off bear families lived in a nice little house in the woods, and they had their own little pet. What you’ve got to remember though is that bears don’t have the same pets as humans, because they’re bears really, so they’re different. So their pet wasn’t a cat or a dog, oh no no no! They had the typical bear pet, a squirrel, and a red one at that.Anyway, one day this family of bears went for a walk in the forest. So Fat Bear, Grizzly Bear and Squeak Bear left the house and started to plod along between the trees. No they didn’t take the squirrel with them. It’s a squirrel not a dog, so you don’t take them for walks. That makes it kind of like a cat really, you don’t take them out for walks on a lead, it’s not right, and if you do stop now you sicko. Well back to the bears, they were plodding along in a noisy fashion as bears do, crashing through bushes, snapping twigs on the ground, and Squeak Bear saying “hiya” to every animal they passed.Now it so happened that someone else was walking through the forest at the same time, it was Little Red Riding Hood, who was on her way to visit her Grandmother. However it was quite a long walk to her Grandmother’s house and she was a very forgetful girl, and had forgotten to bring her packed lunch with her. This was tragic for Little Red Riding Hood, ‘coz she liked to eat, and eat a lot. She looked up at the trees for fruit, but this was too high, and she couldn’t climb. She looked this way and that for some food she could have. Where would she find her next meal? She got on her hands and knees and scraped through the bushes. She found nothing but a little worm that she gobbled up quickly, but didn’t even take the edge off her hunger. Desperation filled her, she thought she was gonna go crazy if she couldn’t have some food right there and then. Then a sound, what was that? Thud! Crash! “Hiya!” There was a baby bear about. “Dinner time! Hooray I’m saved from starvation!
Yippee!” Little Red Riding Hood shouted out, and then ran in the direction of the sound.Within a minute she was in sight of the family of bears. So she wasn’t too obvious she hid behind a tree. As soon as Squeak Bear, who was running in front of its parents was next to the tree she was hiding behind, Little Red Riding Hood pounced on it. She gobbled Squeak Bear up as if it were a piece of lettuce. That was impressive eating. A big grin grew quickly across Little Red Riding Hood’s face, but this melted even quicker when she saw the look of anger on the faces of Fat Bear and Grizzly Bear. Rage consumed the bears who growled so loud the trees shuddered, and then they charged. Little Red Riding Hood ran as fast as her legs could carry her to her Grandmother’s house to escape.Fortunately for Little Red Riding Hood she knew a few short cuts, and she could squeeze between gaps between trees, that bears could not. Consequently she got to her Grandmother’s house before the bears could catch her. She ran at the door, flung it open, and slammed it shut behind her, carefully locking it to be safe. She then turned to greet her Grandmother who was in bed. “Hello Grandmother, I’m here now, I had to run from the bears though, who were trying to kill me.” Her grandmother replied in a very hoarse sounding voice, “Don’t worry my dear, come hide in this bed with me, they will never find you.” Brilliant idea, Little Red Riding Hood thought, always trust the wisdom of the elderly. So she strolled over to the bed and got under the covers. Once in she turned to look at her Grandmother and realised it wasn’t her Grandmother, it was The Wolf dressed in her Grandmother’s night clothes.BACKTRACKTen minutes before Little Red Riding Hood got to her Grandmother’s house, someone else got heir first… The Wolf!!! He knocked on the door, and Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandmother replied from within the house, “Just coming Little Red Riding Hood dear.” As soon as she opened the door, The Wolf ate her up. Instead of leaving though, he realised another meal was on its way in the form of Little Red riding Hood, so he quickly shut the door behind himself, put on the Grandmother’s night clothes (some people really will do anything for a good meal), shut the door, and hid under the covers and waited for the Little Red Riding Hood shaped meal to arrive.BACK TO THE ACTIONHorror filled Little Red riding Hood as she lay there in her Grandmother’s bed looking not at her Grandmother, but at The Wolf dressed in her Grandmother’s clothes. “Where’s my Grandmother?” She demanded. The Wold replied, “Well I’m not just some friend of hers who happens to swap clothes with her every now and then. The truth is I’ve eaten her, and oh by the way, you’re next!” Little Red Riding Hood suddenly was filled with fury and shouted back, “Not if I can eat you first in revenge, I may have just eaten Squeak Bear, but there’s always room for a revenge meal in this dog eat dog world.” The Wolf began to speak, “But we’re not dogs, you’re a human, and I’m a wolf…” “SHUT UP!!!” Little Red Riding Hood yelled in interruption. And at that an eating competition between the two ensued, not any old eating competition, but a ‘who can eat the other person first’ competition.In the meantime Fat Bear and Grizzly Bear followed Little Red Riding Hood’s scent to her Grandmother’s house. Once there, they started smashing themselves with all their might against the locked door to break in. Little Red Riding Hood and The Wolf were so occupied with trying to eat one another that they didn’t notice any of this. Before they knew it the bears had smashed down the door and were charging at them. Fat bear and Grizzly Bear rushed at Little Red Riding Hood, and they both gobbled her up. However in the mayhem, The Wolf’s ankle was injured, and he had to hobble away.Fat Bear and Grizzly Bear were so happy that they sung and danced all the way home, and when they got there they made a New Squeak Bear. So just over 3 months later (perfectly normal length pregnancy, they’re bears not people remember), New Squeak Bear was born. A few days later it squeaked in a high pitch voice the same word its older sibling had also squeaked, “hiya.” To celebrate its first word, the family of bears went for a walk in the forest. So that day Fat Bear, Grizzly Bear, and New Squeak Bear went for their first ever walk together as a three.Whilst they were out, The Wolf arrived at their house. He had been waiting three months for his ankle injury to heal, and had spent the time wishing for revenge. He had cleverly planned things out so he could start to make trouble whilst they were out, and had monitored their house for the past few days. So when they left he went in and ate their pet red squirrel. However, he hadn’t had time to exercise his ankle back to full fitness, so he was a bit too slow. The result was the bears returned whilst he was still there. Fat Bear saw the red squirrel had gone, and its fur around The Wolf’s mouth, and in anger he ate The Wolf. At that moment The Prince turned up and killed Grizzly Bear and then killed Fat Bear. He then reached inside Fat Bear’s mouth, and pulled out The Wolf and said to him, “I’m now hiring you as my new hit man.” After he said these words, he turned and kissed New Squeak Bear on the lips and she became his beautiful princess (changing into a human and ageing 20 years, what a kiss). And so The Prince, Princess Squeak, and The Hit Man Wolf lived happily ever after.

2005-04-12T01:41:00.000-07:00

Now don't forget the Vid and Lip convention of "Fairly odd Stories"

The Vid and Lip Convention of Fairly Odd Stories

1. Fairy tale characters were made for one purpose; to live their destiny as cannon fodder in these stories
2. There are always 10 characters per story, no more, no less
3. All characters walk in the grey area, they are both good and bad
4. We reserve the right to kill off any character when we see fit
5. If you wish to be a character then contact Vid or Lip with a brief self-description, then guess who you are, but in doing so you agree to rule 4.

2005-04-11T23:56:00.000-07:00

HOKAY if random stories are not your thing how about music but not as you know it???

Introducing

Super Star DJ

'THE MONSKSTAR'

check im and his CRAZY antics out at

www.monkeyboymatt.blogspot.com

2005-04-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

Strange character this one, without doubt one of the best tellers of fairly odd stories but his production skill so far appear to have failed the test of time. Rather annoyingly, since the initial masterpiece ("The Inspiration") behind vid and lip productions, the genius seems to have died.

Introducing Lip

2005-04-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

If they could clone babies they'd not need man. I beg to differ!! If this character could tell stories would there be need for lip? I say yes. Legend in character production and story lines but not all there in the head really.

Introducing Vid

Vid and Lip productions